We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
