God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We need a shit load of segways right now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
