he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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