I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
