You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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