while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
