i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
