He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize