what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
