My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
