It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
