I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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