the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
