Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Randomize
