I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
