dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
