I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
