The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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