Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have fence marks all over my body
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