I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize