I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
