you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
