Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
