Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
