So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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