I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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