Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
