Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
