I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
