ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
