I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
