Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
