I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
