bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
