i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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