i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize