just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
