i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize