I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
