I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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