Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
