it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
