I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
