she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
