I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
