i think my tv is drunk
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
