I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
