The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
