Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
