peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
