Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
