I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
