i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
