i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
