I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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