the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
