In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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