how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
