Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
