I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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