found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize