if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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