I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
