dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
