I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize