Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
