Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
