My sheets look like a crime scene.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize