Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
