We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
