I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
